Oh No Nuns!

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Nuns terrify me. Is it some vestigial genetic Catholic guilt? Is it misplaced Jewish guilt? Or is it the guilt of a youth well lived? Let's you and I face our fears. We will look at pictures of nuns together, and imagine their lives. Perhaps we will build up an immunity. Perhaps we will not start weeping and confessing our sins next time we run into a nun. Instead, we will make up a pleasing story. And then we will blog it. Promptly at 7 each morning. It is a bold proposal, so let's start right away.

September 27, 2010 at 6:05am
1 note
Levitating Heads Nuns
Look, the Catholic Church is a very old organization. They’ve had time to… experiment. The Ladies of Levitation are the result of one of the more successful experimentations. The question was this: what do nuns need bodies for, anyways? The answer, as you may have guessed, was this: not a whole lot! Through complicated religious/surgical rites, these five women have been trimmed down to their most essential selves—floating heads in bright white habits. They’ve got wee fans under there that control their movement… It’s quite a nice life: lots of zooming, some bobbing, the occasional terrifying fall when your fan’s batteries die. 
the nun’s story (by signs and wonders)

Levitating Heads Nuns

Look, the Catholic Church is a very old organization. They’ve had time to… experiment. The Ladies of Levitation are the result of one of the more successful experimentations. The question was this: what do nuns need bodies for, anyways? The answer, as you may have guessed, was this: not a whole lot! Through complicated religious/surgical rites, these five women have been trimmed down to their most essential selves—floating heads in bright white habits. They’ve got wee fans under there that control their movement… It’s quite a nice life: lots of zooming, some bobbing, the occasional terrifying fall when your fan’s batteries die. 

the nun’s story (by signs and wonders)

September 24, 2010 at 5:01am
2 notes
Head Turning Nun
Everywhere this nun goes, heads turn. It’s not just because she’s a nun, and it’s not because she has toilet paper stuck to her shoe or her habit tucked into the back of her stockings. And to be fair, it’s not ALL heads that are turning. It’s a particular type of head. A particularly… stoney type of head. Statues watch this nun. Not in an “I am watching over you, my child” sort of way, either. It’s more of a “we are many, and you are one. Fear us” sort of thing. Nah, but don’t worry about Head Turning Nun. She’s a chipper sort; I’m sure she’ll make it through just fine.
vintage photo of nun (by redbricktudor)

Head Turning Nun

Everywhere this nun goes, heads turn. It’s not just because she’s a nun, and it’s not because she has toilet paper stuck to her shoe or her habit tucked into the back of her stockings. And to be fair, it’s not ALL heads that are turning. It’s a particular type of head. A particularly… stoney type of head. Statues watch this nun. Not in an “I am watching over you, my child” sort of way, either. It’s more of a “we are many, and you are one. Fear us” sort of thing. Nah, but don’t worry about Head Turning Nun. She’s a chipper sort; I’m sure she’ll make it through just fine.

vintage photo of nun (by redbricktudor)

June 19, 2010 at 7:00am
4 notes
Frisbee Jock Nuns
Look, we all know that nuns aren’t true jocks. But… frisbee players aren’t true jocks either, right? I mean, any sport that evolves from chucking pie tins at each other has a hard time bring taken seriously. And then again, any religion that springs from a virgin birth and cannibalism takes a bit of a hard sell, too. Then maybe it makes perfect sense that athletic nuns become frisbee nuns. Wholesome, fresh-faced, and… a little bit off-kilter. Catholicism and frisbee! Together they are unbeatable. Well, except for the Unitarian frisbee team. Those kids are beasts.
Frisbee Players A-Nun-Amous… (by TIO…)

Frisbee Jock Nuns

Look, we all know that nuns aren’t true jocks. But… frisbee players aren’t true jocks either, right? I mean, any sport that evolves from chucking pie tins at each other has a hard time bring taken seriously. And then again, any religion that springs from a virgin birth and cannibalism takes a bit of a hard sell, too. Then maybe it makes perfect sense that athletic nuns become frisbee nuns. Wholesome, fresh-faced, and… a little bit off-kilter. Catholicism and frisbee! Together they are unbeatable. Well, except for the Unitarian frisbee team. Those kids are beasts.

Frisbee Players A-Nun-Amous… (by TIO…)

June 18, 2010 at 7:00am
1 note
Wind Machine Nuns

With all the potential offered by those billowing robes, how could any nuns resist the chance of a gust of wind? And if they had the opportunity to raise those chances with the purchase of a portable wind machine, I don’t imagine even the most dour nun would say no. Flyaway skirts are the closest these women get to a true Marilyn Monroe lifestyle, after all. And, deep down, maybe that’s what women want.

Nuns Marching (by ॐ dragonflyriri ॐ (Limited Flickr Time))

Wind Machine Nuns

With all the potential offered by those billowing robes, how could any nuns resist the chance of a gust of wind? And if they had the opportunity to raise those chances with the purchase of a portable wind machine, I don’t imagine even the most dour nun would say no. Flyaway skirts are the closest these women get to a true Marilyn Monroe lifestyle, after all. And, deep down, maybe that’s what women want.

Nuns Marching (by ॐ dragonflyriri ॐ (Limited Flickr Time))

June 17, 2010 at 7:00am
0 notes
Gospel of Golf Nuns

It is precisely the bourgeois reputation of golf that first brought these nuns to the game. They were sent on an exploratory mission to their local golf course to find out what it was that lured so many of their congregation there on Sunday mornings instead of to Mass. The nuns did not expect to find much that would appeal to them—and they turned out to be dead wrong. The lush green of the grass and the impeccably tended grounds reminded them of a time before nature was wild and untamed, a time they had known only in the pages of their bibles: when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. After they had finished the 18 holes their Mother Superior had sent them to play, they could not resist lounging in the middle of the green and sunning themselves—until they were chased off the course by a very confused groundskeeper. Now they return every chance that they get, believing that they have found Paradise on Earth.

Jazz-nuns (by Kevin Plankton)

Gospel of Golf Nuns

It is precisely the bourgeois reputation of golf that first brought these nuns to the game. They were sent on an exploratory mission to their local golf course to find out what it was that lured so many of their congregation there on Sunday mornings instead of to Mass. The nuns did not expect to find much that would appeal to them—and they turned out to be dead wrong. The lush green of the grass and the impeccably tended grounds reminded them of a time before nature was wild and untamed, a time they had known only in the pages of their bibles: when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. After they had finished the 18 holes their Mother Superior had sent them to play, they could not resist lounging in the middle of the green and sunning themselves—until they were chased off the course by a very confused groundskeeper. Now they return every chance that they get, believing that they have found Paradise on Earth.

Jazz-nuns (by Kevin Plankton)

June 16, 2010 at 7:00am
0 notes
Unrequited Love Nun
Look, usually we don’t question why nuns become nuns. They all have their own reasons, and it is not for us to speculate. In this case, however, we know for sure what is going on. She was in love with a boy, and the boy didn’t love her back. Maybe he loved her before, and maybe he would have loved her again, but these two could never get the timing right. She loved him when he loved someone else, and she just couldn’t stand it. He was her best friend, and he disappeared. The loving arms of the church were welcoming and warm, and she devoted herself to forgetting. Forgetting the way he felt, and how sweet he could be when he didn’t think she was paying attention. Forgetting his love, and how she took it for granted. She is happy in the church, but who can say how happy she would be growing old with him?
Lovely nun (by Helen Morgan)

Unrequited Love Nun

Look, usually we don’t question why nuns become nuns. They all have their own reasons, and it is not for us to speculate. In this case, however, we know for sure what is going on. She was in love with a boy, and the boy didn’t love her back. Maybe he loved her before, and maybe he would have loved her again, but these two could never get the timing right. She loved him when he loved someone else, and she just couldn’t stand it. He was her best friend, and he disappeared. The loving arms of the church were welcoming and warm, and she devoted herself to forgetting. Forgetting the way he felt, and how sweet he could be when he didn’t think she was paying attention. Forgetting his love, and how she took it for granted. She is happy in the church, but who can say how happy she would be growing old with him?

Lovely nun (by Helen Morgan)

June 14, 2010 at 7:00am
4 notes
Back from the Future Nun

This nun has been to the future, and she has seen who is right. She has seen whose messiah is coming, and whose stocks crash. She has seen web 3.0, and it has impressed her as little as web 2.0 has impressed you (future-hint: think polka dots). She knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes. Upon her return, she abandoned any pretense about avoiding technology. In the future we all have cellphones implanted in our elbows, so what’s the point? Oh, and she told me to tell you: good luck with that novel. Then she laughed. Hard. Future-nun is kind of a bitch, no?

New York City Nuns (by J.T.R.)

Back from the Future Nun

This nun has been to the future, and she has seen who is right. She has seen whose messiah is coming, and whose stocks crash. She has seen web 3.0, and it has impressed her as little as web 2.0 has impressed you (future-hint: think polka dots). She knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes. Upon her return, she abandoned any pretense about avoiding technology. In the future we all have cellphones implanted in our elbows, so what’s the point? Oh, and she told me to tell you: good luck with that novel. Then she laughed. Hard. Future-nun is kind of a bitch, no?

New York City Nuns (by J.T.R.)

June 13, 2010 at 7:00am
1 note
Special Diet Nun

Mmmmmm, nun mash. This special blend of grains, fruits, nuts, herbs, spices, and holy water makes up the proprietary recipe that keeps thousands of nuns around the world full and satisfied. Well, okay, just full. Flavor, you say? Flavor is for chumps! Chumps and sinners! Nun mash is good for what ails you, and what ails you is easy living.

An old nun at SomaGompa [Leh, Ladakh] (by MyCameraAndEye)

Special Diet Nun

Mmmmmm, nun mash. This special blend of grains, fruits, nuts, herbs, spices, and holy water makes up the proprietary recipe that keeps thousands of nuns around the world full and satisfied. Well, okay, just full. Flavor, you say? Flavor is for chumps! Chumps and sinners! Nun mash is good for what ails you, and what ails you is easy living.

An old nun at SomaGompa [Leh, Ladakh] (by MyCameraAndEye)

June 12, 2010 at 7:00am
0 notes
Too Lame to Believe Nun

When you had those sick tickets to the beer festival, who decided that she wanted to stay in that night? When Sister Juliana Elise left her room unlocked, who refused to help fill it with crumpled newspaper? And when Mother Superior fell asleep during Mass that one time, who told on you for trying to throw bits of paper in her gaping mouth? That’s right, little miss lamesauce. There’s nothing you can do about it, but that doesn’t make it right.

Nun with Prayer Candle at Angkor Wat (by Wiggum03)

Too Lame to Believe Nun

When you had those sick tickets to the beer festival, who decided that she wanted to stay in that night? When Sister Juliana Elise left her room unlocked, who refused to help fill it with crumpled newspaper? And when Mother Superior fell asleep during Mass that one time, who told on you for trying to throw bits of paper in her gaping mouth? That’s right, little miss lamesauce. There’s nothing you can do about it, but that doesn’t make it right.

Nun with Prayer Candle at Angkor Wat (by Wiggum03)

June 11, 2010 at 7:00am
7 notes
Beach Bunny Nuns

They’ve got tan lines like whoa.

Nuns On The Beach (by Joe Shlabotnik)

Beach Bunny Nuns

They’ve got tan lines like whoa.

Nuns On The Beach (by Joe Shlabotnik)